Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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