I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
