So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
