I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
