It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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