Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
