i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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