Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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