So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
