Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize