I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
