This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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