Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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