i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
