Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
