i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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