Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
