I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
