his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
this hospital has no fireball
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
A bitchslap is in order.
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