I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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