I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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