conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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