Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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