Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
