Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
