the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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