Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
