How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
