I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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