Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
