She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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