he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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