Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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