I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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