Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
