Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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