Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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