my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
