this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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