I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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