Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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