soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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