I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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