Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
