dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
