totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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