one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
