i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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