Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
