I wish I could punch you in the face.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
