Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
