separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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