I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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