Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
