How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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