Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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