you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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