i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
