we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
