WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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