The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
