Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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